Wednesday, 01 November 2006

  • One year ago… you can view it here. 

    Two years ago – well, keep reading because I have now arrived.

     

    A couple of days ago, I celebrated my 2 year ‘bandiversary.’  Can you believe it?  Can *I* believe it?  It seems weird that it was two years ago that I was banded, that I became ‘one with the band.’ 

    Anyway, so Robyn asked me what is new since last year… and I have thought a lot about what exactly IS new.  Well, I haven’t had a fill since March.  And actually, it was a fill, then I went back 3 weeks later and had a defill (because I had some major acid reflux (being too tight – insert your bad jokes here – yes, I was too tight!). 

    So yeah – this year – what’s so different?  Well, my life is no adjusted to the band.  I can go to most restaurants and know what I am going to eat before I get there.  I know what I can and can’t eat, what I am willing to try, and what I know just won’t work.  I know how much to eat, and in what order to eat it (meats first!).  I learned what acid reflux is, and how much it SUCKS when it wakes you up at 2am.  I learned that I cannot drink milk after 7pm (unless it is in small amounts like a coffee or tea, but not an actual glass of milk – thanks to Tracey at BRCD who told me that small tidbit of info that has literally SAVED MY LIFE!). 

    I would have to say that it took me a good year and a bit to actually REALIZE that I am banded, and that this IS my life now.  I don’t live my life for the band, but I live my life with the band.  As frustrating as it can get, this little piece inside my body has changed my life immensely, and I couldn’t imagine what life would be like now.  I mean, where would I be?  How much WOULD I weigh now? 

    Arise, awake or forever be fallen.
    -John Milton

    I know where I gained most of my weight pre-band.  I worked at a place that was out of a mall – and there was so much access to the food court, it was insane.  So every night, it was Arbys, no Tim Horton’s, no Dairy Queen… oh – the Chinese Food and Italian food was amazing at that food court!  SO GOOD!  I probably gained a good 75lbs that year we were there (no, it wasn’t retail). 

    Anyway, so back to my two year update.  I stopped reading on eating disorders, and researched a little on the emotional headwork of the reasons why I was/am fat.  I have asked my parents a few questions here and there about my background, but nothing substantial really.  I stopped reading the how and the reasons why, and just started picking up things personally… hobbies really… for me.  Things I have missed out on, always wanted to do, never could do… walked when I could have driven. 

    When I got to Second Cup, I get skim milk now.  I still get 1% when I buy it at the store, but skim when I order it in something.  I have learned to like broccoli, and try to shy away from the breads. 

    I am still losing – about 9 to 11lbs every 3 months. 

    My legs are still big, but they are smaller than they were.  Next time I go to my parents house, I’ll bring up my surgery clothes and have my 2 yr picture taken with them (same spot, same clothes, different body). 

    There isn’t any food that I miss.  I have dealt with my addictions, and my loss for the foods I use to love.  I have found that talking about the good ol’ days, about what I used to do, has actually helped me.  The sneaking of the food, the hiding, the AMOUNT of food.  My life is not like that anymore.  It’s a slow withdrawal, but it’s a sweet release, too.

    I have gained more confidence says Julie.  Is that true?  Not entirely sure… but I’ve gained a lot emotionally, and lost a lot physically.  Do I take them both in stride?  Definitely. 

    So – my life now – 2 years later.  It’s better.  It’s nice.  Life is sweet when you figure out how to live it.

    Life is short, but sweet for certain.
     -DMB


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